Two decades isn't too long for an update, is it?

If I can manage to survive the cringe I endured reading half of the stuff I wrote two decades ago on here, I will revise and continue this concept over on my Substack: https://fyreis.substack.com/ 

Jesus Christ is Lord.

You've Got Mail!

Okay, I was surprised to see that people were actually reading about my plight. In fact, some believed me! Whoa! I guess anything can be made believable on the Internet. Well yes, fokes, I really AM invisible. On the other hand some stinkin' punk got really cocky and well...ha...I sent him an empty envelope telling him it was my guts...ahahahaha... oh my... that was so funny...sorry... unobservable humanoid humor.


Anyways, I'm going to answer a couple of interesting emails...stupid punks...I'll send Sperk to one of them sometime...hmm...an invisible cat...there is a goal to work for...

>> Ted from Trenton, NJ writes... <<
>> Dude. How could you like, dude, type, dude invisible, like, dude? You said, dude, that like, dude, you could, dude, couldn't put your clothes on or eat well dude. So like, dude, how do you like, dude, see your fingers to like, dude, type on da keyboard, dude? <<

[My Reply: Well Ted Dude...once you've been typing for years you get a hang for it. I don't really look at the keyboard all that much in the first place so not being able to see my hands was an easy hurtle to leap...like dude.]


>> Marie from Nowhere <<
>> Hey, Kaden. Why do you pick on Sperk so much? He's like a really cute little kitty from what I've heard and you just seem to torture him. Shouldn't you be using your invisible powers for good? Not evil? <<

[My Reply: Well Marie...Have you ever considered that maybe Sperk is a wolf in sheep's clothing?! Er... Well you get the point! How do you know Sperk is so innocent? How do you know it's not his fault he's used as the comic relief in my life?! It's all his fault!!! He's an evil cat that is attempting to take over the universe. He's an ALIEN cat. Hence his greenness (DO NOT READ PRIOR POST. I swear. I didn't color him green with body paint)...... now that I'm done with my sarcasm let me explain. Sperk is a cool, but annoying little dude. He just ASKS for me to do things to him. I love him. Honestly, I love him more than I torture him. He like expects me to torture him. How can I resist?]


Okay, that's it for now...eeek... blue body paint on the keyboard! Not to self...gloves. Man I'm going to look like Blue Man genetically fused with Mickey Mouse after I'm done... eek...

Blue Man Group

So the body paint experiment has been interesting. I decided an ENTIRE covering of the body wasn't need. Just like my legs and arms and feet and neck and face. I look like one of those freaky dudes from the Blue Man Group. I have an American flag bandana over my head and some low profile black sunglasses. I decided the usual stereotypical glasses would be a dead giveaway so I went for narrower. I think my friends will buy into the quarter-life crisis story...yeah...like pre-midlife crisis. Get it? Yeah...good luck there.

Sperk, oh my goodness. You should have seen that calico cats face when my blue face emerged from my room. My mom really cried seeing me again. She missed my face...even if it was now blue. My dad smiled and said the trip to that quote, "weird store with those funky haired punks was well worth it", unquote.

I must admit I'm kind of bummed. I can't run around or anything. Too much sweating will cause it all to come off. I also have to be careful that these glasses don't fall off or they'll be quite a few freaked out people. In general, this is so I can go to church and walk around in lightly populated areas...not normal life...but at least it's some of life back.

I'm thinking of going to see Mia. Though she'll freak with the new look. Oh well. I'll explain to her its a treatment for a horrible skin rash. That'll work! HA!

So being invisible isn't half bad. Now I just look like a European band groupie wanna be. Just need to perfect my PVC pipe playing skills and freaky looks.

I'm the dude in the middle! W00t!!! Don't I look sexy? Erm...no. But hey, at least I'm not a "little green man". Dad got green...*snickers* Sperk ain't calico anymore....

Erm... body paint.

So yes. For once in my miserable life of being invisible (which has only been a few days)... I actually got some sleep. It was the only place I could see myself too... in my dreams.

Do you know how hard it is to put your clothes on invisible? It's like being half blind. I have a hard time figuring out where my legs and arms and head are. It's like guessing. My parents were wondering what the heck I was doing because I basically had to wrestle my pants on myself. I tripped over the bed, my dresser, and the cat... poor Sperk... poor, poor Sperk.

Dad took him to the vet. I guess they say he'll do alright. The doctor said the thing seemed paranoid and afraid... I wonder why? Mwuahahaha... Might have something to do with the fact his catbowl attacked him... MWUAHAHAHAHA!!! Then the facuet! Oh my gosh I was laughing so hard... but... um... erm...

Mia called. That was hard. She was wondering where I had been. I told her... incognito. LOL... oh my. I wanted to cry :-\... she asked if I was avoiding her. I usually call every night. Yuh now... we're best buds... even if I do have a crush the size of Alaska on her. I just told her I was sick with a really bad flu and that the doctor wanted me to sleep and she asked if she could come over and I warned her I didn't want her getting it.

Which is actually a valid warning. I'm afraid my parents are going to start turning invisible on me next. Imagine that! Impossible? Hey! Look at me! Wait! You can't! HA! point made.

Oh! You want to know what is really hard? Eating invisible. It's weird because some stuff will like show up on my face, whereas other things become invisible. Which might be a sign as to how the heck this happened!!! But like, maple syrup... it disappears. I just have this really sticky feeling on my face but I can't see it to figure out how to whipe it off. But the jelly... eesh it looked like blood and guts...

Well... I'm about to go out and try and experiment... my dad bought some body paint... man the lady at the store gave my dad a strange look... I'm going to see if I can at least artificially color myself. I might be able to get away with being green with blue hair and glasses... not sure about my mouth. Might put a scarf over it...

Hey! Michael Jackson impersonator! w00t!

Back

Well yeah... you got the idea about that whole coming home thing invisible. Honestly enough about that. It freaked the living daylights out of my parents and they are still having panic attacks over it... I emailed my professors at school that I ain't coming in for a week because I've contract a rare form of flu... my parents are still trying to cope with the fact they see through me... my dad isn't handling it very well, but my mom seems to be getting in touch with it... they've already given me a speach about having to wear clothes despite the fact you can't see me... I think more than just decency they're thinking I'll

a) get sicker (in the event I really do have a rare flu)
b) they don't want me sneaking around on them
c) they don't want me to be embarassed if I suddenly turn visible again
d) they won't be able to cope with the scare if my organs turn visible
e) all of the above

I have to say all of those are pretty valid reasons for wearing clothes even if one is very invisible.

It's really strange how they are coping with having guests over... they lock them in a room and tell them not to come out until they say its alright... oh wait... that's what they've been telling me... hahaha... I actually did try a shot at sneaking around. I ROYALLY freaked Hube (our cat). It sat there hissing and growling at me. Pastor Winden was definitly scared at the fact he heard chuckling behind him but couldn't see anyone. I finally kicked the cat to try and shut it up... bad move... it flew onto my arm and I wiggled it around in the air for a few seconds before it let loose and landed on Pastor Winden's whig... yeah... we found out he ain't as youthful as he looked. Poor guy... those were pretty interesting marks the cat left on him...

So like that was day one of being invisible... now I'm on night two... Mia called... ugh... I have NO idea how I'm going to explain to her this. Why couldn't this have happened AFTER I got the nerve to ask her out? I mean I was planning on doing it next week! Okay... maybe not NEXT, NEXT week... but I planned on doing it this month... this year... okay... maybe I wasn't... but now I can't even see her! And if you think THAT is bad she can't even see me! LITERALLY.

I dunno what I'm going to do... my dad wants to take me to the university and have his friends in the science department run some tests on me... I've been fighting the idea. I don't want to be turned into some experiment for some science nerd that wants an A+ for discovering a freak of nature.

This is getting SO FRUSTERATING!!! I'm invisible! I'm SEE THROUGH! TRANSPARENT! I make a better window than a door! How many other ways can I say it?! Who can I ask about THIS problem?

"Yo, dad... what was it like when you went through your invisible phase?"... Do I look up self help books at the library on how to cope with transperancy?...

I gotta go get some sleep... if I can... didn't last night...

Where to start...?

hey there... um... yeah... where to start... I guess I should probably tell you who I am... well, I'll go with an alias... The last thing I need is a media circus at my front door.... Charles Vandgerguildenhausen the Fifth... NO... um... Bob Frankfort... Keenan Kylestone... um... geez... I'm horrible at this... Koden Montana!... yes... I know... it sounds like I'm a cowboy ( :-P LOL)... but yeah... I feel adventurous today.

So let's see... um... I'm 19, I live somewhere in Michigan, USA (that's that little mitten on the globe in mid-Northamerica). I live kind of on the outskirts of suburbia... it ain't very urban. Lots of trees, cows, and horses... corn... but really we aren't that far from anything civilized. It's only a 20 minute drive to the nearest mall. So it's kind of like a nice alternative. No traffic. No skyscrapers... cows... okay... not too thrilled about the cows... but its like... peaceful. At least most of the time. But at the same time I'm only like 20 minutes away from the nearest electronics store. So it's pretty rockin'.

Why am I writing this? (I'm asking myself)... Um... to be honest. I dunno. It think it has something to do with the fact I can't see my feet. AND I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING! NO! I'm fit... I just literally can't see my feet. I'm not blind... just I'm like... not apparent? Um... I guess you'd say... er... :-\... invisible?

Hahaha yeah... that's what I said when my parents screamed in horror when I walked in the front door. Don't ask me how it happened, because if I knew I'd be paying some freak scientists a visit... I must have been bitten by a radioactive worm or something or maybe somebody spiked my Pepsi with krypotnite. I seriously don't know how on earth it happened. Maybe I didn't eat enough carrots... or... well yeah you don't believe me so it doesn't matter.

Let's just work on the assumption that maybe I'm some lunatic... humor me here. I'm invisible (man... how would you know? You can't see me)... So just deal with it... Thanks :-)

So where was I? Yes... I walked in after getting home from work and my parents freaked out because they said something was wrong with my face. I took of my ski mask (I was working outside in the freezing cold... I shovel driveways and help plow private roads with my pickup... it has one of those shovel thingies on the front) and looked in the mirror... at that point my dad fell back into his recliner and my mom was screaming like the hordes of hell had been unleashed... what did I see? Nothing but my coat hanging in the air with a hat on top.

What did I do? I broke out laughing hysterically. I told my parents "funny trick" and then asked them how they did it. I figured the "mirror" was a new plasma screen TV and my dad had some of the A/V guys at the university make a funny little movie of me invisible... yeah... that was all farfetched... but of course it was more believable than being invisible... yeah...

Anyways... I gotta go get some smelling salts for my dad again... I'll post more later...

The Beginning

This is just a short introduction to this story to fill some space. Really it's just a test to see if the blog is working and all.

I don't really know where this idea came from. I was just thinking of content for my site The Matthew and the idea just popped into mind. A regularly updated blog that'd be from the perspective of an invisible man.

I must admit that the perspective is not completely fictional, because often times I feel like the world does treat me as invisible. I also admit that a lot of this is taken from a creative license and is from no personal experience whatsoever. The main reason for this blog exististing is pure entertainment. I like writing. I want to entertain people with my writing. But also in the corner of my mind I hope to open up people's minds to the world, and more importantly, the people around them.

I hope that by reading this you not only get a few laughs, cries, and screams (of all types), but also that you, personally, don't let the visible become invisible.

Also, I want to put a BIG THANK YOU! on here for Deanna who thought up the "Footsteps Unaware" part of this title. Thanks :-)